Need A Political Party? Take your Choice!

9/11/08
By: Homer Hirt

According to Florida’s Secretary of State, there are currently 34 recognized political parties in the State of Florida. If you are disenchanted with the two old standbys (Republican and Democrat), you may wish to become a Libertarian. If that does not quite fit your needs, then swing on down to the Progressive Libertarian Party.

Still not happy with the way the American Revolution turned out? Then you may find happiness with the British Reformed Sectarian Party.

Want to start the Revolution all over? The Boston Tea Party of Florida invites you in for a cup of your favorite beverage.

Feeling independent? You have the choice of the Independent Party, the Independence Party of Florida or the Independent Justice Party or even the Independent Democrats. You can reform with the Reform Party, socialize with the Socialist Party of Florida or the Florida Socialist Workers, or even hobnob with the Party for Socialism and Liberation. Into colors? Then the Green Party of Florida is for you. Wait, "green" could mean ecology, so the Ecology Party of Florida awaits your eager input. Or, wait again; "green" might refer to food, as in "green, leafy vegetables". In that case, you may wish to consider the Real Food Party of the United States of America.

Do you really believe in our country, the good old U. S. of A? Here we find the America First Party of Florida, the American Party of Florida, the American Reform Party of Florida or, if your income is low and your expectations are high, come on down on the side of the American Poor People Party.

Strict interpretation of our country’s ideals might lead you to cast your lot with the Constitution Party of Florida, but if you are not quite straight down the line on these issues, the Moderate Party awaits you and your kind.

All of we straight arrows can check out the Christian Party, the Family Values Party and maybe the Faith & Patience, Inc. N.P.G.G.

I’m not certain if you have to be a veteran of the Armed Forces to belong to the Veterans Party of America, but it would probably be advisable to be ready to show your dog tags or, at the very least, a tattoo.

Too many choices for you? I haven’t mentioned the Objectivist Party of Florida, the Florida Whig Party, the geographically challenged Southern Party of Florida, the Possibility Party and the single minded Term Limits for the United States Congress Party. The American Reform Party of Florida sounds good to all of us who complain about everything, and I am certain that Unity08 will bring us all together.

The Prohibition Party, with its barrel busting axes raised on high, still is hanging in there. But if ever I should decide to leave the Grand Old Party, you can look for me on the rolls of the Surfers Party of America, singing along with Brian Wilson and the Beach Boys….. "Wish they could all be California Girls"!