Did Will Rogers REALLY Say THAT? 12/18/08

By Homer Hirt
Those of us that are afflicted with E-Mail occasionally receive a list of more or less appropriate-to-the-times statements, definitions or "top ten" comments, purporting to have originated from some famous person. He may be living or dead, a comedian or straight man, a historian or a hack. The comments may be in character or could be 180 degrees out from what you might expect.
I have on my desk the transcript of a speech that was attributed to Isaac Asimov, the talented science fiction writer. I have filed it, not because of its authorship, but because of the contents. I also have received a description, attributed to Dave Barry, of a colonoscopy, and it is not worth saving, even though it describes the process in excruciating detail. Some events are better left in limbo. I started to say that it should be left behind, but that is too close to the process itself.
It is almost a certainty that in the next few days I will receive a list of Top 10 comments on politics or morality, done by a movie star or a singer or even an athlete. The thoughts will be good, but the idea of that particular person compiling them will seem almost impossible. If I receive one that claims to have been authored by George Foreman, for example, and it is about anything but boxing or cooking on one of his famous grills I will doubt its authorship.
So, when I found a list that was attributed to Will Rogers, known in the early part of the Twentieth Century as the "Cowboy Philosopher", I decided to reacquaint myself with his sayings and writings. I have found that the actual comments were better than I had recalled, and, more importantly, pertinent to our life today. And it motivated me to share some of his thoughts, many of which emanated from what he referred to as the "National Joke Factory", better known as the United States Congress.
Will Rogers grew up in Oklahoma on a cattle ranch, and never was very comfortable anywhere else. He liked to do "rope tricks", twirling his lasso in intricate patterns, and went on the road with a wild west show. This was after he had worked his way around the world on ships, stopping off in several countries to work as a cowhand. Once, while performing, he added short commentaries, and this soon became the best part of his acts.
As he gained fame poking fun at politicians, industrialists, labor unions and others, almost in equal proportion, he grew in popularity, ending up as a star in the famous Ziegfield Follies in New York City. He appeared in stage plays, including Eugene O’Neill’s Ah Wilderness. He signed on to do a weekly radio broadcast, on condition that all of the proceeds go to charity. He then went to Hollywood and made movies, including Steamboat Round the Bend. It is estimated that he presented the world with over two million words, all of them entertaining and appropriate.
Here’s some of Will Rogers’ ideas about Congress. See if you think times have changed!
Congress is so strange...a man gets up to speak and no one listens...and then everybody disagrees.
All of the senators and congressmen are away from Washington now. It is the season of the year when they do the least damage to their country.
The new senator says he is going to use "common sense" in the senate. That’s what they all say when they start in. But then, if nobody don’t understand you, then, naturally, you have to switch.
About all I can say about the U. S. Senate is that they open with a prayer and close with an investigation.
Rogers didn’t let the office of the president off easily, even though he was always welcome at the White House. He was personally acquainted with both Roosevelts, Teddy and FDR, and all in between. Perhaps because of this he was kinder to them than he was most of the other politicians.
A president-elect’s popularity is the shortest lived of any public man’s. It only lasts till he picks his cabinet.
Most of our presidents never went in for plans. They only had one plan that said: "Boys, my head is turned. Get it while you can!"
Men in America live, hope and die trying to become president. If they can’t make it, they accept the booby prize and go in the Senate.
This president business is a pretty thankless job; Washington, or Lincoln either, didn’t get a statue until people were sure they were dead.
An awful lot of people are predicting the president’s downfall-not only predicting but praying. We elect our presidents, be they Republicans or Democrats, then go home and start darin’ them to make good.
Of course, he had plenty to say about both of the principal political parties. He did say that he "did not belong to any organized political party, I’m a Democrat".
Both parties have their good times and their bad times, only they have them at different times. They are each good when they are out, and each bad when they are in.
Democrats could live on little, because they never had anything else. But they don’t live on little when they get into office.
This country runs in spite of the parties. In fact, parties are the biggest handicap we have to contend with.
The country’s common citizens did not get off without criticism. But he was mostly kind to them. He came along when women were fighting for the vote, and finally, in the early 1920s, got it. He was quick to point out the differences between the sexes.
The Nineteenth Amendment, I think that’s the one that made women humans, by Act of Congress.
If you let women have their way, you will generally get even with them in the end.
Ain’t it funny, we can see our friends or neighbors go out, make bad investments, do fool things, but we never say a word…but his vote? Why, we get to tell him about that, for he’s kinder ignorant and narrow-minded, and don’t see things our way
I believe that Will Rogers would be having a field day with the auto makers testifying before Congressional committees. Investigations and such happened in his day, and he had plenty to say about the proceedings.
The very day that all this testimony came out, in the same papers, there was a picture of a man with one of those truth machines fastened on his wrists. They are supposed to tell when you are lying. That very day, in Washington, there were guys testifying with nothing on their wrists but silk shirts. God bless America for a sense of humor.
As I always like to do in my articles, I will tie Will Rogers into my own life.
On August 15, 1935 my father had taken my mother and me on a drive. I was five years old. It was drizzling rain. We were on a Jackson County road, and I do not recall why he had decided to go up that way. Suddenly over the radio came a voice that told us that Will Rogers and his good friend Wiley Post, had crashed their aircraft in Point Barrow, Alaska. Both were killed. We drove on in the rain. Suddenly by the side the road my father spotted two little kittens, soaking wet and obviously abandoned. He stopped and my mother and I dried off the tiny fellows, and I immediately named them "Will" and "Wiley".
Through the years I read Will Rogers’ words, watched his movies, listened to people that knew him. I have visited his museum in Claremore, Oklahoma. His words are timeless for our country.
Two sayings stick with me: "It’s a great country, but you can’t live in it for nothing" and "I never met a man I didn’t like". There is no one like him today in public life, but we certainly could use such a person.

More Steamboats on the River!

By Homer Hirt

Photo Caption:

Captain Tom Corley, the last first-class steamboat pilot on the Apalachicola River. Photo by permission of his son Ric Corley.

Several weeks ago I wrote an article for the Jackson County Times about steamboat men on the Apalachicola-Chattahoochee-Flint Rivers system. I ended the article with this:

"There are still some sternwheelers in action on other rivers, but no commercial ones…………unless you count one that is in Columbus, Georgia……….a boat built by Captain Tom Corley, who also started as a cabin boy and........but, wait…….that’s another story!"

At that time I began formulating an article about Captain Corley, but for the most part kept it in the recesses of my mind. Then, recently it started coming together, this man was one that I knew personally, a real river-man that lived until 2001, a man who not only piloted steam and diesel towboats, but also constructed a sternwheeler in 1993, when he was in his eighties. According to him, he worked through twenty five helpers "one at a time" as he built the Seminole Princess in a boatyard in Panama City.

I met Tom Corley not long after we began loading the first cargo out of the Jackson County Port at Mile 103 on the Apalachicola River. The Port Director had contracted with a company to load crushed cars to barges. After filling a couple of the open hopper barges, piled high with vehicles that had once been someone’s dream cars but were now mashed down to about two feet high each and destined for the scrap yard in Mobile, Alabama, we stood by for the towboat that was to carry them down river to the Gulf Intracoastal Waterway near the mouth of the River.

One day we looked down the river and we saw the Louise. She was unlike the usual "push" boats. True, she had the knees for lashing to the barges, but she was long and flat and her propulsion was visible…..a huge, slow turning wheel. Dipping her paddles into the swift, muddy waters, she came about to lie alongside our pier. Soon she made up to the first barge, and up the ladder came a slender man, under six feet in height, and brown as a piece of weathered wood. He stuck out his hand to me and said: "Tom Corley" and I shook it and replied "Homer Hirt". And that is how we met.

He soon departed, pushing the heavily laden barge around the bend and out of sight. We watched, and I thought that I would never have contact with the good Captain again. I was wrong.

This man that I met so informally with a handshake and with four words passing between us had a long history on the rivers, and would have a continued career on waterways for another twenty years. I would, through those years, have a cup of coffee with him, or listen to his stories over a meal or hear his opinions, succinctly expressed, as we entered into the conflict over the water uses on the ACF, with both of us fighting for continued commercial navigation.

I would hear from others and from him bits and pieces about his varied career, not only on the inland and intra-coastal waterways, but chasing German submarines on the broad Atlantic Ocean during the perilous days of World War II.

And I would listen with awe as he described how he went on the boats at the age of eleven and worked his way up to captain with an unlimited license "on any commercial vessel". So, here I will give you some of the highlights of his life, some in his words, some in his son Ric’s, who took over his father’s business and most certainly inherited his admirable traits.

Tom Corley began serving on the River as many other young fellows did in his day. His family owned a farm near Columbus, Georgia, and he, along with his brothers, milked cows, grew vegetables for sale to vendors, cleaned and repaired the structures and in general worked seven days a week, from before daylight until after dark. All young folks come to believe "there’s something better out there for me". For young Tom, just under the age of eleven, the "something" which beckoned was the W. C. Bradley, a sternwheeler on which his two uncles served as engineers.

So, one day, rising before 3:30 AM, young Tom Corley gathered some belongings in a bag and walked down to the river. The cabin boy had not showed up, so Tom, not quite eleven years old, signed on in his place. In his own words: "My first trip; … it was an elation. I was working! I was gonna’ get $10 a month. It was the first time I had been paid to work". Tom worked three months on the boat, steaming between Columbus and Apalachicola. Finally his mother and grandfather came to get him. Again, in his own words: "Grandpop, I’ll go back home wi’ y’all, but I ain’t pulling no more teats". He retuned home, attended school, farmed (no milking) and worked every summer on the boats.

His opportunity to move up to pilot came because of a pilots’ strike. The boat was tied up and the owner, Mr. W. C. Bradley, offered him a job to take it down to Apalachicola. He accomplished that feat, and was soon on the way to being a full-fledged, licensed river pilot. He never stopped or looked back. He ran the rivers, from the ACF to the Mississippi and its tributaries, and eventually served his country during World War II.

Captain Tom also became a marine surveyor (inspector) and had more than fifty two years of service in that field, surveying over twelve thousand boats and ships during that time. His qualification as an "Unlimited Master of any steam vessel, any gross tons on any ocean", added to his marine surveyor’s level of proficiency and service would be credentials enough for any two people.

To me, his time on the steamboats on the three rivers, his advocacy of inland navigation and his willingness to speak out, loud and clear, on issues he believed in gave him a special aura. His determination to keep working appealed to many folk. His advice and counsel was of the best, and will be missed.

(Note: some of the quotes above are taken from the book "Voices of the Apalachicola" by Faith Eidse. Some other information came from his son, Captain Ric Corley, who follows in his father’s footsteps as a licensed river boat captain and a marine surveyor, and, I might add, a good storyteller. I called him last week to verify the names of two of Captain Tom’s boats, and we quit talking about thirty minutes later!)

SEMPER FIDELIS!

By Homer Hirt

With all the recognition of November 11 as Veterans’ Day, we often forget the significance of November 10.

Two hundred and thirty three years ago the oldest of our armed forces was formed. In 1775 the Continental Congress authorized the United States Marine Corps, and within a few days a committee had signed up the first recruits. There is a joke that has gone around for years about this. Always somewhere in the Corps there would be a corporal or a gunnery sergeant that would gather a group of recruits and say "let me tell you how it was in the ‘old’ corps". So, that day at Tun’s Tavern in Philadelphia the committee signed up the first man and sent him outside. In a few minutes the second man joined him, and the first one said: "Let me tell you how it was in the ‘old’ corps".

One of the most honored traditions is the cutting of the Marine birthday cake. On each anniversary on November 10, there is always a celebration, and whether the unit is small or large, there is a properly decorated birthday cake. It may not be fancy, and it may be cut with a Ka-Bar knife or an officer’s dress sword, but the first slice is taken by the oldest Marine, and is presented to the youngest. Thus the traditions are passed down, saying, in essence, "You are one of us. Now, go and pass the tradition on". And the terms "honor, "courage" and "commitment" are part of the continuing way for them.

The story of the Corps is about the battles and the wars fought, but even more, of the men who fought them.

Theodore "Ted" Williams is remembered as one of our finest baseball players. Many don’t know that Ted was also a Marine pilot in two wars. Ted was called back after World War II to fly again over the skies of Korea. I often wonder what kind of records he would have garnered if his sports career had not been interrupted.

One of my personal favorite Mariane stories was about General Holland M. "Howling Mad" Smith. Smith was born near Eufaula, Alabama, and served in World War I, Mexico, Dominican Republic and World War II. He was responsible for leading many of the Pacific amphibious landings where he earned his nickname because of his distain for incompetents, especially officers. Supposedly he once fired an Army General, whose name was also Smith.

No account of the Corps would be complete without mentioning Lewis "Chesty" Puller. Puller fought not only in World War II and Korea, but led men in many other places, including some "Horse Marines" in China. In Korea he brought his men down from the Chosin Reservoir in temperatures which dropped to forty and fifty degrees below zero F. He was awarded five Navy Crosses, the highest award except for the Medal of Honor, and an Army Distinguished Service Cross for a total of fourteen personal decorations in combat. His fame and reputation stays with the Corps. Many a drill instructor, supervising calisthenics over a recruit squad in boot camp, ends up by shouting: "NOW, GIVE ME TWENTY PUSHUPS FOR CHESTY". And they give twenty for Chesty!

The Marine Corps has many, many more heroes: Joe Foss, who later was governor of his home state of South Dakota, bagged twenty six Japanese planes in combat, including twenty Zero fighters.

Daniel "Dan" Daly, was awarded the Medal of Honor in Haiti. Daly was pinned down at Belieau Wood in France with his men. He jumped out of the trench and yelled back: "Come on, you s---- of b-------, do you want to live forever?" He won his first Medal of Honor in the Boxer Rebellion in China in 1900.

Greg "Pappy" Boyington flew over Guadalcanal and gained the Medal of Honor. He personally shot down fourteen enemy fighter planes in thirty two days, and commanded the "Black Sheep" Squadron. You may remember him for the television show that purported to tell his story. His real actions were more exciting than the show..

It is always said that there is no such person as an "ex-Marine", and there is no better example of that than Fred Smith, founder of FedEx, who says he runs his company "Marine Corps" style. In recognition of employee performance, he even passes out flag lapel pins that stand for "Bravo Zulu", the Navy and Corps "well done" signal that is their highest accolade.

We Navy men acknowledge, albeit somewhat reluctantly, the wonderful history of our Marine comrades, since they, too, are "sea service". We joke about our landing them on foreign beaches, then going back to our ships to drink coffee while they fight. So, when I hear the last lines of the

Marine Corps hymn:
If the Army and the Navy
Ever look on Heaven’s scenes,
They will find the streets are guarded by
The United States Marines!

I tip my glass to them and echo: SEMPER FIDELES!, and if I make it to that exalted place, I will feel safe!

Need A Political Party? Take your Choice!

9/11/08
By: Homer Hirt

According to Florida’s Secretary of State, there are currently 34 recognized political parties in the State of Florida. If you are disenchanted with the two old standbys (Republican and Democrat), you may wish to become a Libertarian. If that does not quite fit your needs, then swing on down to the Progressive Libertarian Party.

Still not happy with the way the American Revolution turned out? Then you may find happiness with the British Reformed Sectarian Party.

Want to start the Revolution all over? The Boston Tea Party of Florida invites you in for a cup of your favorite beverage.

Feeling independent? You have the choice of the Independent Party, the Independence Party of Florida or the Independent Justice Party or even the Independent Democrats. You can reform with the Reform Party, socialize with the Socialist Party of Florida or the Florida Socialist Workers, or even hobnob with the Party for Socialism and Liberation. Into colors? Then the Green Party of Florida is for you. Wait, "green" could mean ecology, so the Ecology Party of Florida awaits your eager input. Or, wait again; "green" might refer to food, as in "green, leafy vegetables". In that case, you may wish to consider the Real Food Party of the United States of America.

Do you really believe in our country, the good old U. S. of A? Here we find the America First Party of Florida, the American Party of Florida, the American Reform Party of Florida or, if your income is low and your expectations are high, come on down on the side of the American Poor People Party.

Strict interpretation of our country’s ideals might lead you to cast your lot with the Constitution Party of Florida, but if you are not quite straight down the line on these issues, the Moderate Party awaits you and your kind.

All of we straight arrows can check out the Christian Party, the Family Values Party and maybe the Faith & Patience, Inc. N.P.G.G.

I’m not certain if you have to be a veteran of the Armed Forces to belong to the Veterans Party of America, but it would probably be advisable to be ready to show your dog tags or, at the very least, a tattoo.

Too many choices for you? I haven’t mentioned the Objectivist Party of Florida, the Florida Whig Party, the geographically challenged Southern Party of Florida, the Possibility Party and the single minded Term Limits for the United States Congress Party. The American Reform Party of Florida sounds good to all of us who complain about everything, and I am certain that Unity08 will bring us all together.

The Prohibition Party, with its barrel busting axes raised on high, still is hanging in there. But if ever I should decide to leave the Grand Old Party, you can look for me on the rolls of the Surfers Party of America, singing along with Brian Wilson and the Beach Boys….. "Wish they could all be California Girls"!